No Toilet Paper.........

Here's a funny story for ya

Yesterday I was shopping for a pressie for you and started getting that "I've gotta do poo's soon" feeling, you know the one where everywhere you go in a shop it starts to get a not so clean toilet smell, cos gas is starting to sneak out.

So I finished my shopping as quick as I could and then made my way to one of those automatic, mechanical, self-cleaning toilets that never seem to be clean.

Imagine my horror after my poo, when I go to retrieve some toilet paper and...there was none!!!

The automatic toilet dispenser just continued to turn with an infuriating whirring sound but no paper!

If you know the toilets I am talking about (the one's with the automatic doors that you constantly live in fear of opening automatically well your still sitting on the loo, or not opening at all when you want to leave) you will know that although they never seem clean (despite being supposedly self cleaning - my other fear is that they will start self-cleaning while I am still in there),they are completely sterile. By that I mean even McGyver himself would not be able to find anything to wipe his arse in the absence of toilet paper.

There is nothing, I repeat nothing that could be used to wipe a poo bum!

By now you of course are rightly wondering what on earth I did and perhaps wondering also what you yourself might do in that situation.

Well I did the only thing I could think of. I took off my jeans, then my undies (all the while praying the toilet door wouldn't randomly and automatically open - it would have looked very odd if it had as I still had my pink converse boots on), then proceeded to wipe my bum with the undies (luckily they were a scungy and black pair so kind of camouflaged the poo and were no big loss to my knicker supplies), then I deposited them in the sanitary disposal slot.

I didn't feel bad about this to the cleaner of that particularly horrendous job but did wonder what they would make of it. I had to strategically plan the wipe so as not to use the whole precious knicker surface area in the first wipe or I would be done for and I managed to get three wipes out of it, and none on my hands.

Quite an accomplishment I can tell you, and I actually left (commando style under my jeans of course) quite proud that I had risen to such a challenge with a minimum of panic and poo about the place.

I them went grocery shopping (I had first washed my hands well) and put some new undies on when I got home.

Anyway hope you found that funny...maybe something for the book or would it be crossing a line???